Always Bad
I welcome all comments and constructive criticism
I welcome all comments and constructive criticism
A couple went to a sex therapist to try and improve their their sexual body language. They got some good advice about using hand signals to tell each other what was desired in bed. When they got home the husband said, “Okay, when we get into bed and I want sex, I will rub your left breast with my hands. When I don’t want sex, I will rub your right breast.”
“Well okay, but what about me?” says the wife.
The husband replies, “When you want sex, you can rub my penis once. If you don’t want to have sex, just rub my penis about a hundred times.”
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Love is born in the dark night time hallways of a Catholic Hospital.
Cindy and Stacy finally some quality time alone…, all weekend…, and they are young…, and they are horny…
A prostitute with a heart of gold is hard to find. But when you do find her, it is worth it.
It was my 16th birthday. I wasn’t planning on doing much. Just have cake and ice cream. With a few family and friends. My dad had gone to the coast on a fishing trip. It was six o’clock and a few guest were arriving . To my surprise one of my step mom’s coworker’s and her son showed up he was just a few months older that me and we had been around each other on other outings. He attended a school that we played against in sports. But away from the guys from our schools we got along good. Now let me tell you about his mom Iris. She was a older mature woman not knowing her age I would guess her at around 40 at the time. She was a very classy woman with style she always wore the best clothes to do justice to her body and curves. She stood about 5’7 and was I’d say about 130 she had short spiky bleached blonde hair. Don’t get the wrong image that she had the dike look cause she was all classy the kinda woman that turned heads in every room she walked in. Her breast were amazing not the big d’s everyone talks so much about but the perfect perky c’s that are perfectly round. She was always wearing blouses that done them no harm and let just enough of them show to keep you wondering what lies beneath the fabric.
The next guest that showed up is a neighbor lady and her son and daughter. Her name is kelly her son Andrew was in my class and one of my best friends all threw school. Amber his older sister she was 2 years older that the two of us. She was always the quite type that always done good in school and had always been in a long term relationship. She was a looker. All the neighbor hood kids had tried to catch a peek at her changing or getting out of the shower. And once or twice caught a good view. But she was always to good for any of us young guys the guys she always dated were those in collage. But it never hurt to try right. Well her mom kelly seeing her you would know right off where she got her good looks from cause at 44 she was still a knockout. During summer camp outs she would wear bikinis that showed almost everything I had jacked off many nights to thoughts of her taking advantage of me. She was a full figured woman that had just enough meat on her to make her curves explode. And let me tell ya they did. Her hips were perfect her tummy was not like a super model but that of a soccer mom I would say.
Back to the get together. It was around 7 and me and all the young people were having fun in my room playing xbox . While the woman were in the den drinking wine and talking about this and that mainly about there husbands. Mary Jane called everyone to the kitchen to eat cake and ice cream. I was surprised that I had gotten so many gifts . I blew out the candles and was greeted with a hug from Iris her whispering in my ear” happy birthday young man” the feel of her breast pushing against me and the smell of her perfume was enough for my cock to stiffing up. Just as she pulled away. I started trying to get myself out of the middle of everyone cause with the gym shorts I was wearing I knew it wouldn’t be long before some one would notice my tent sticking out. As I turned around there was kelly to meet me with the same hug I had just got from Iris but this time she whispers “Your turning into such a handsome young man. Happy birthday. I hope it is the best day of your life to date.” with her soft voice in my ear it just made things go from bad to worst I now had a full blown hard on. And it was within inches from my best friends mom’s leg.
I excused myself to the restroom. I instantly pulled my shorts off and started jerking off. All the thoughts of these two women were all I needed to blow my load in about three minutes I looked in the mirror like all young men do admiring the development into a man I was going threw the hair popping up in places I didn’t know you could or was suppose to grow in and wow the size of my cock it looked bigger than ever today and even after I blew my load and it was starting to slowly shrink back down. But it for some reason looked huge today. I guess I was just kinda in a trance cause I didn’t even realize I didn’t lock the door and when I heard it open I almost shit. It was amber I was standing there with my shorts around my ankles and my cock still sticking out all I could do is try and cover it. Expecting her to scream and run out of the bathroom she did neither she just stood there looking at it. Then said” sorry for walking in on you but I have really got to pee and didn’t even think to knock.” I replied “sorry for you seeing me this way” not knowing what else to say. I finally managed to bend down and pick up my shorts. And walk out of the bathroom. For the next several hours no matter what I did or was doing I couldn’t get amber out of my mind. I opened my gifts from dad and Mary Jane I had gotten a truck. But they had given it to me a few months ago. From my grandma and grandpa I got a gas card with 100 on it. From Iris and Shawn I got a free oil change and detail from a local lube shop. And as I was opening them up not really overly excited about anything I got a little bag and with a box in it I picked it up and read who it was from. It was from Iris. Just Iris not Shawn and Iris just Iris. This threw all kinds of mixed thoughts in my mind I opened the bag and pulled the box out of it and on a pink sticky note it read. ” open this by yourself or with someone special. XOXO Iris ” and underneath it, it had a kiss that appeared to be real lipstick. My face had to turn bright red cause everyone just started laughing at me. Which I hated more than anything is for people to laugh at me. The whole time I was just wondering what the hell could be in this box it was no bigger that 5inch square box. I sat it aside and carried on with opening the rest of the gifts getting some clothes and video games and fishing stuff from family. I got a red envelope from Kelly and Amber. I open it to only find a twenty dollar bill and a envelope inside with a sticky note that reads “open this one by yourself but do it soon”” Happy birthday big boy” and also has two kisses on the bottom. Okay by this time my mind was racing 90 to nothing wondering what the hell is going on this is crazy. But I still kept opening gifts. I got a few more clothes some cleaning stuff for my truck and a few more gift cards. And when I thought that was all Mary Jane hands me a envelope that was sealed with a kiss. Just as I was getting my composer back I was turning red all over again. I opened it and it had a gift card for a fancy diner for two dinners. And also a envelope with a sticky note reading ” don’t open till your alone.” Okay I’m not one for surprises but for some reason today seems that’s all I’m getting is surprises.
It was around 9 and most of the family had all left and some of the friends. And by 10 all that was left is Kelly who just lived a mile down the dirt road, her daughter, Iris who lived about a hour away and I knew with all the wine she had drank she wasn’t going anywhere till morning. And of course Mary Jane, and Shawn. Me and him were in my room playing the new game I got. I had almost forgot about the notes till he asked me if I had opened them. “no I’m afraid to open them ”
“don’t be silly open them” Shawn says. Laughing.
“nah I better wait and do it alone it might be something I don’t want anyone seeing”
And once again my mind was racing wondering what the hell could they be. After a while I had to pee so I got up and went to the restroom and as I was coming out I heard my name get mentioned out in the den I went threw the kitchen where it was dark and got to wear I could hear what they were saying .
Kelly says” what was he doing”
Iris says “yea what was he doing with his pants down in front of the mirror?”
“I think he was playing with himself” amber says and laughs.
“was he you know ”
“Hard?” Mary Jane asked
” I don’t think he was all the way hard I think he had just finished I could see some what appeared to be cum on the tip of his cock.” Amber says
“Oh my god Amber you were checking out his cock weren’t you?” Iris says laughing now at her.
“NO.”
“Well I was kinda drawn to the size of it for such a young guy. I date mostly older men and have seen my brother a time or two and he was well bigger but not only that his cock was just nice it had a curve to it that I couldn’t take my eyes off of.” amber says
“what It had a curve to it?” Iris and Kelly said almost at the same time.
With all that was being said about me I was going crazy I wanted to get out of there but also I wanted to hear what else they were saying . All the time I knew Shawn would be noticing I was gone for to long soon and come looking for me and if they were to notice me ease dropping . I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. What kinda pervert am I to be ease dropping but on the other hand what kind of perverts are they to be talking about a 16 year olds penis. MY PENIS AT THAT. And all of a sudden I was almost right. But it was Mary Jane she was getting another bottle of wine. I was trying not to make it look like I was ease dropping so I opened the icebox and got a pop out she came up and gave me a hug and said “Happy birthday honey.” “Your getting so big” “and by the way amber said she seen you in the bathroom ”
“yea I was”
“you were playing with it weren’t you. You naughty boy.”
“no I had just finished ” I said smiling with my head down not knowing weather she was mad or giving me a hard time.
“amber was telling us how nice it was your curve and all I really wanted to say yes I know .”
“but I know they would have all asked how I knew and I couldn’t explain that to any of them.”
She kissed me and gave my cock a little pinch and walked out of the kitchen. I went back to the room and explained to Shawn that I had to do something for my step mom. And went back to playing the game we played for another 2 or 3 hours I knew it was getting late but when I looked at the alarm clock and seen it was 1 am I couldn’t believe that the ladies were still up drinking. I told Shawn we had better go see what they are doing its late. We walked out to the den and there was no one there. I seen the light on out at the gazebo (dad had built it and put a huge hot tub out there last summer and it was really nice in the summer when the days cooled off to night.) I looked out the window and seen that the party had moved to the hot tub I pointed to Shawn and we walked out there . Kelly and Amber were wearing there own swim suits witch fit perfect and Mary Jane had on her new one she had bought the other day that I was ever so glad to finally see her in it. And Oh MY GOD Iris had on one of Mary Jane’s old ones and let me tell you it was a few sizes to small for those girls the only thing the little bit of fabric was covering is her nipples I think her breast were poking out of ever side there was the sides the top and the bottom . There wasn’t much left for the imagination to uncover. They all looked amazing but I couldn’t get my eyes off of Iris. When they noticed us. Kelly yelled out “Get us another bottle and get your trunks on and join us birthday boy.” I must have been day dreaming cause Mary Jane yelled “hurry up we’re getting thirsty” I ran in the house and opened the icebox and realized there was no more wine.
“oh my gosh Shawn they have drank like 7 bottles of wine the drawer was full this morning of wine and there is none left.
“what else ya’ll got I’d like to get Amber drunk and fuck her.” Shawn said grabbing his crotch.
“yea I know what ya mean I’d like to have any of the women out there.” Not realizing what I just said Shawn let me know what I said.
“even your mom?”
“she’s my step mom and besides you can’t tell me if she was your step mom you wouldn’t hit that shit”
“True she is hot I’d hit it'” Shawn says hitting me in the arm as I was going threw the liquor cabinet and all I could find that might get there attention is a bottle of patron and a bottle of Malibu. I grabbed both and stuck them on the counter and ran to my room to change. I grabbed my new trunks with the tropical flower pattern and threw Shawn a old pair of blue ones. With baseball and basketball locker rooms I had no problem with changing in front of other guys so I dropped my shorts and grabbed my trunks. I looked up and Shawn was looking at my cock. “what you looking at fag” I asked him “ah ah nothing its just yours is curved and bigger than mine. ” “sorry dude ” as I laughed and bend over to grab my dirty clothes and throw em in the dirty clothes basket. When I turned around I could see why he was jealous of he was only about 6inches maybe . I just laughed and thank the lord for such a nice cock he gave me and walked out of the room. Grabbed the liquor and went to the gazebo. Iris and Kelly both whistled at me making me blush and at the same time said” Nice shorts Birthday Boy!” I laughed and handed Mary Jane the bottles of alcohol “what is this we can’t drink this stuff we want wine” she said handing it back to me. “your drunk asses drank all the wine goofy and its either this or dads crown or some of his old cheap whiskey” Kelly yelled out ” give it here lover boy I’m not scared of getting wild”
She stood up and my cock almost sprang straight out. Her swim suit clung to her body like latex. You could see the outline of her nipples and well she had a little camel toe showing. She grabbed the patron and started chugging. Iris and Amber were chanting “go go go ”
Mary Jane said ” ya’ll are crazy”
Kelly put the bottle down and grabbed the Malibu and chased it down. I knew it wouldn’t belong till some one was naked at this rate if they could just keep the liquor down it was gonna be a fun night for all. It wasn’t but about a min and Iris grabbed the bottle and started her way towards being a slobbering drunk. As soon as she put it down little Amber grabbed it and killed about 3 shots or so and also chased it with Malibu. They started giving Mary Jane a hard time saying ” you can’t handle it!!! you can’t handle it!!!” being pressured I guess she grabbed it and took down more that the other 3 did. I knew the night was just getting started even thou it was now going on 3 am.
Me and Shawn found us a spot in the tub and settled in I was between Kelly and Iris with a hard on that on its way to exploding. Shawn was across from me between my beautiful step mom and the hottest girl on our road. We were both in heaven as we knew it. We all just made small talk about how nice it was out side and how the breeze was wonderful. And then out of no where Kelly said “so what is this we hear about you having a nice curving cock” I almost chocked followed by Iris’s comment “yea Amber said it was a man’s cock with a curve.” and then Amber said “Sorry I couldn’t help but telling them. I think it was all the wine.” I was so red and my cock was now hiding some where in my stomach I believe.
I didn’t know what to say or do I jut sat there . Kelly with her big mouth and all the alcohol “so lets see what it is that had my little girl all hot and bothered” I once again for about number 20 for the day I was red faced I said “no I can’t do that” Iris said ” if its bigger than my husband’s 7 inch thick cock I’ll suck it for you right here in front of god and everybody” when she said that my cock twitched and started to grow. And why I did it I still don’t know to this day but I said “if ya’ll will take of your tops I’ll show you this cock that Amber is in love with.” Loud mouth Kelly said “you want to see these old saggy things?” and stood up and flopped her long lovely brown hair around her shoulders and said “well untie me big boy.” My fingers were shaking so bad she had to feel the nervousness in them as I untied the bowtie knot. When I pulled the string it was like a jack-in-the-box the top dropped and her breast popped out. Iris said ” here you can see these little girls. Untie me !” My cock was pulsing almost as fast as my heart at the sight of Kelly’s and now Iris wanted to show her amazing breast to me as well. I pulled her string and the little tiny pink bikini fell in the water and her tits didn’t fall a cm. I looked across the tub to see that Mary Jane and Amber were still wearing there’s. I assume Kelly noticed about the same time. Cause she told them” come on girls your keeping me from seeing this cock I’ve heard so much about.”
I couldn’t believe it when Amber stood up and told Shawn to do the deed it took him all of about a mill a second to pull the cord to unleash the most amazing breast I had ever seen a 18 year old have. She had no tan line they looked perfect not as big as her moms or Iris’s but for sure they were as nice. And all was left as my step mom Mary Jane I had seen them several times but they were breast you could never get tired of looking at and playing with. She turned red and said “what the hell” and grabbed the front of her top and just yanked it off. It had been a while since I had seen them. I hadn’t forgotten how nice they were but I couldn’t remember them being so beautiful. There we were 3 older women all drunk and topless not to mention the hottest girl in the school sitting right across from me with here perky breast that appeared to be floating on the water. I was so amazed looking back and fourth from one woman to the next I forgot what the deal was. But my member hadn’t forgotten. He was at full attention. Just about the time I realized it was my turn. Amber reminded me along with the rest of the woman saying “yea your turn birthday boy show us your big curvy cock.” what else could I do? All these women had been with men not boys like myself they have had a man’s cock why do they want to see mine I had be told by several girlfriends that it was big but they were all girls. Not women and especially.
Not women in there 30’s and 40’s. But I had to it was the only way I was gonna keep this going so I pulled my shorts down in the water. And stood up I couldn’t have been more happier with my member he was poking out farther than I have ever seen him. He was standing loud and proud. There was a very long silence period. Then Amber like her mom with a big mouth says” I told you it was a nice big curvy dick” followed by her mom” well she knows a nice cock when she sees one. That’s for sure! ” couldn’t go without Iris throwing her two cents in” well looks like I got to suck a dick tonight.” that was almost to much for me knowing that this classy woman was talking like this and being slutty . I remind you these women are all married except Amber who is in a long term relationship for going on two years now and they are all well know women and I have never heard of any of them except for my step mom on a few occasions messing around outside there marriage. And here they are all three were topless and staring at my cock. If this wasn’t heaven I don’t know what is.
Iris took no time keeping her end of the deal she reached over and grabbed it and without teasing it or anything it went straight to her mouth it was so warm and wet and seemed that she was hungry for my cock cause in no time she was taking most of it in. There was saliva running down my balls. And shining even in the poor lighting that the glob lights put off she was sucking fast and seemed to be deeper with every stroke in and out faster and faster I was feeling my nuts tighten and not even noticing my surroundings. Just as I was about to blow the whole thing with blowing a load in this hot classy woman’s mouth Kelly grabs me by the arm and pulls so hard my cock flopped out of Iris’s mouth pulling me all the way in a 180 to now where I’m starring straight at Kelly’s awaiting mouth. She wasn’t so nice as Iris was she kissed the head and teased it by kissing all the way down the shaft and back up again taking both my balls in her mouth sucking them like she was trying to give me a giant hicky or something it was so hard it was hurting but for some reason it was hurting in a good way. When she spit them out she was done with teasing me she took my cock in her mouth like a porn star on the first time she took me all she gagged a little but never took it out of her mouth I began face fucking her she had her eyes locked with mine like a true slutt her eyes were watering but she was taking it all in with every stroke I could feel it all the way down her throat. I couldn’t believe that I was lasting this long with two beautiful women sucking my cock I don’t know if it was the sexual high I was on or what. I looked across the tub to see Amber and Shawn lip locked and Shawn’s hand was wrapped around her breast squeezing it like he was trying to get something out of it. It must have been driving her wild cause threw the water I could see she had a holt of his cock. And next to him I was shocked even more than the fact that I was getting head from these two ladies. Mary Jane had sat up on the side of the tub on the deck and was fingering her puss so fast you would have thought she was gonna rub a blister on it or something she must have had 3 fingers in it.
I felt hands cupping my ass and then soft kisses coming up my back. And then warm soft kisses on the back of my neck and then right to my ear. The whole time Kelly’s still gagging on my cock. Iris whispers in my ear” I need your cock in me now.” I pulled It out of Kelly’s mouth leaving her wanting more for her cock hunger. I turn back around and lift Iris out of the water and lay her on the deck and kiss her left breast then her right nibbling on each nipple just enough to make it stand up and poke out. Then ease down her ever so flat stomach. Till I get to here bikini line where I pull it off with my teeth just far enough to expose her beautiful shaved vaginal area. It was the most amazing sight I had ever seen I ran my tongue all around her slit but never touching her inner lips. She was already arching her back and pushing her hips towards me. I ran my tongue right threw the middle of her slit. It tasted amazing. I had eaten a few women out but never such a sweet taste as this one. I went right to work on her clit. Squeezing her thighs pulling her as close is I could I felt her grab my head. Pulling on me as hard as she could. I felt a gush of her womanly fluids feel my mouth. As she started screaming “oh oh oh oh my god I’m gonna cum!!!” and with that she slammed her head back on the deck. I didn’t even let her recuperate. I stood up and stuck my cock in her slowly letting her enjoy every inch of my curvy cock they were so happy to see. I took it slow and deep the first few strokes and slowly increased my speed till I was pounding her not like I had pounded other girls or even Mary Jane it was almost animal like. I knew I had to give it all to her. All that I had. And I was doing everything I could to do that. I was just about to cum once again when Kelly pulled my hips back pulling me back into the hot tub. I turned around to see what she was doing. She looked at me and said “give me some of that lover boy” What could I say she must have really wanted it she sat up on the deck and licked two of her fingers and whipped her pussy and with that I rammed it in. I reached down and grabbed her by the shoulders. And began fucking her there were no emotions evolved just straight fucking and I was loving it. It wasn’t but about 3 minutes and I was cuming deep in her womb. It must have done her in cause she was started screaming. OH lover boy! Oh lover boy fill me with your sweet cum. I thought I was gonna pass out I roled off her and sat on the side of the hot tub and looked over to see Shawn drilling Amber with all his might. And Mary Jane kissing Amber I had never thought of her being bi or maybe it was just the liquor doing it but they were kissing with passion and lots of it.
I hadn’t even caught my breath when Iris started rubbing my balls and leaned in to kiss me her lips were soft as silk I ran my hand up her back and her skin was just as soft as her lips I pulled her in as tight as I could massaging her tongue with mine. It seemed like our kiss lasted for hours. But I know it couldn’t have been but a few minutes we were going wild with each other rubbing , cresting and massaging each other all over. I felt some lips cover the head of my cock and with out even looking down I knew that Mary Jane had my cock in her mouth. I pulled away from Iris and looked down and I was right my beautiful sexy step mom was passionately sucking my cock nice n slow getting it hard all over again. With in a few minutes of watching Shawn now pounding Kelly’s ass I couldn’t help but get as hard as I was most of the day. Mary Jane raised up and kissed me. Saying “I want you in me baby.” she pulled me down into the water and turned around and sat on my cock. The water was warm but her pussy had to be twice as hot as it was. It was like a furnace in there. She was doing all the work slowly up and down on my cock. She felt amazing I could hear Kelly screaming again. Knowing she was about to blow her top. I looked over there to see her shacking her head back and fourth . Yelling “fuck me you little son of a bitch. Fuck me harder.” My view was blocked by Amber kissing me. This was amazing the girl I had dreamed about many nights was now kissing me. All the time my hot step mom is riding my cock pushing against the other side of the hot tub pushing back taking as much of my cock as she possibly could wondering where Iris might be I break the kiss with Amber to look around and see that she is behind Amber eating her out. I had watched a lot of porn and seen this but never did I think I’d see it in real life especially not with such hot woman. Back to kissing amber I realized now why she was squirming around so much while she was kissing me. I could feel pressure building up in my balls. I assume Mary Jane did to cause she got off of me. I thought to myself what the hell why is she stopping I’m almost there. And I know she likes my cum in her pussy. She turned around kissed me and said.”I want you to give Amber what you gave me last time we had sex.” I took me a second to remember what she was talking about. ” OH okay you think she can handle it?” her and Iris must have been talking about this cause Iris says right after I got the words out of my mouth” I got her ready for you her little rose bud is all loosened up and wet for that beautiful cock of yours.” I got up out of the water grabbed one of the chair pillows and got her up on all fours. Kissed her back and whispered in her ear “are you sure you want to do this?” she turned half way around and says yes I have always wanted to but guys always thought I was crazy when I asked em to I had intended on doing it with someone a little smaller than you but I guess here we are. I whispered back to her “I promise to be easy with you if it hurts to much just say stop and I will I promise.” She smiled back at me and said” thank you” your such a gentleman” with the sexiest smile I had ever seen. I raised back up to realize everyone was crowded around me Mary jane was to the left, Iris next to me on the right and Kelly was behind me with her hands on my cock ready to guide me into her daughter and Shawn was sitting in the lawn chair looking like he was about to pass out. Everyone was rubbing on Amber I guess trying to comfort her I slowly ease my rock hard cock up next to the door to this woman’s anal virginity with one little push and her moms help spreading her ass apart the head of my cock was in. “OH shit” amber screams . “its okay it won’t hurt for long” Just relax he won’t hurt you.” I wait about a minute for her to get relaxed and usted to my cock. Finally I could feel her muscles relax and I eased about another inch or two in which cause her to scream again. Mary Jane and Iris done everything they could to comfort her one would kiss her and the other would massage her clit. Kelly now had my nuts in her hand massaging them and kissing my neck the whole time stroking the remaining part of my cock sticking out of her daughters ass. I slowly started rocking back and fourth in and out with each stroke going a little deeper in. until I had the biggest part of all of it in. I started picking up the pace. She started pushing back to my surprise. I finally could feel her ass touching my balls as I went in and then there I was nuts deep in this little hotties ass. I thought to myself guys at school wouldn’t believe me in a million years that I fucked Amber Smith in the ass. It was almost enough for me to blow my load.
I started to build up my speed till I was pounding her ass. She was now going crazy saying” your cock feels so good in my ass” fuck my ass you little birthday boy” give me all you have got stud” with that I knew just what to do I grabbed her by her hips and started drilling her I could feel her body start to shake I didn’t know if it was her cuming or the two hands under my cock plunging there fingers in and out of her or maybe it was cause Shawn now had his dick in her mouth pounding at her throat. Then my worries were answered she screamed out loud enough the people in town 5 miles away could hear her “I’m cum” I’m Cumming” Oh MY GOD I’m CUMMING” after cuming 3 times already I wasn’t quite ready to blow my load yet. She fished and fell to the floor. I stood up and started jacking off hoping that I could get one of these ladies to let me cum on there and who would have thought it but all 3 of them were sitting under me waiting Shawn got up and came to join the party also stroking his cock. Kelly looks up at me with the sluttiest eyes you ever seen and says “I want to eat your cum” Iris says” I’m gonna suck your cum out of your kelly’s mouth if you fill it up” and the thing that brought me to blowing my load is Mary Jane saying ” I’m gonna clean your cock up when you get done” with that ropes of cum started squirting into and on Kelly’s mouth Iris right there beside her to share the cum. Shawn right there above them to cum in his own moms face and into her mouth. The thing that got me is his mom went straight to cleaning his cock up taking it all in her mouth sucking licking it clean with her tongue. I looked down and Marry Jane took my cock into her mouth nice n slow sucking it dry the whole time ever time she would come up to the top she would smile at me. When my cock finally went totally limp she raised up and kissed me and said” happy birthday sweety” I looked over and kelly was holding amber up giving her a drink of water and Shawn and Iris were sitting there beside each other. Just looking up at the stars. And day dreaming. It was great we all sat there in silence till Kelly said “so girls was Amber right or what isn’t that an amazing cock” Marry Jane said “yes I almost got wet thinking about it when she mentioned it knowing how nice it is.” I know one thing we got to do this again and not just once a year for his birthday” Iris says. Amber sat up and said “he won’t have to worry about having dates I can’t wait to tell my friends how nice his cock feels in ever hole” and to make Shawn feel good they all said ” we like your cock to Shawn”.
We all went in the house and found a spot to crash I slept with Mary Jane and Kelly and Shawn had beside him his hot milf of a mom and that hot next door neighbor Amber. The next morning every one got up and left except of course Mary Jane all kissing me and telling me they can’t wait till next time. It was about 10 when Iris and Shawn finally left. And it was just me and Mary Jane we laid in bed most of the day tossing each other around we must have had sex 5 times between the naps and 7 that night when we showered and got cleaned up and went in my new truck to the fancy diner she had bought us a gift card for. When we got home that night she had me open the letters and the box. I figured she was as special of a person as any. The first thing I opened was the box which was packed plum full with condoms. And on the 3 letters they all just said happy birthday I hope you enjoyed it. I don’t know if they had planned it or was just trying to get me going or what but I sure did. I can’t wait till the 10 of next month all the guys have a hunting trip planned and its Amber’s birthday party.
‘
thanks for reading please be nice this is only my second.
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The air was filled with the smell of animal lust and raw sex and the alluring scents of his strong cologne and my delicate perfume mingled with it. I looked up to the ceiling where a little while ago, the dancing shadows of tree branches appeared as ominous hands, pinning me down into the mattress. Now those shadows just danced gracefully across the moonlit darkness, looking down on the exhausted young, sprawled out, naked girl. The slight breeze outside was now the only sound reverberating around the room and through my ears. Growls, groans, moans and screams had drowned it out a little while ago.
I lay on top of the cool satin sheets and watched as that same breeze, pushed the soft white lace curtains aside and slowly crept across the rooms moonlit, semi-darkness, then enveloped my entire nakedness. I felt its first touch on my still overheated pussy as the breeze stretched its fingers outward and caressed the tender folds of wet and sticky flesh. It blew gently over the wetness of trickling juices, which brought a shudder from deep within me and covered my skin with tiny goose bumps. I breathed in heavily and swallowed hard. Licking my full pouty lips I tasted the salty traces of semen that had escaped and dribbled down my chin.
My mystery lover had joined me on my bed. His knees straddled my rib cage. The slight hairs on his thighs, ass and heavy hanging cum-filled balls tickled my skin where it touched. He adjusted his weight ever so slightly, pinning me onto the mattress below him. Through the black of the room I looked up into his unrecognizable darkened image. Just a shadow lurking above me. Suddenly I felt the silky smooth object of his desire rub across my lips. My hand instinctively moved up to it. I met his hand in front of my face as well as his ferociously swollen cock. I recalled his deep voice as it echoed in my ears.
“Open that sweet little mouth babydoll and suck my cock.”
I immediately shook my head and uttered the words “no, please no.”
He stated that it was not a request. “Suck my cock, now bitch.” This time his voice was set at a different octave and revealed the traces of anger. He then reached down with one hand and grasped my hair and the back of my head. He pulled my head upward off the comfort of my pillow and pulled me toward his raging hard-on. I felt him shift his body again, driving his erection forward, the head bumped up against my pillowy, soft lips. After finding a closed mouth he clamped onto my hair tightly. Causing a slight scream was all he needed as he pushed the huge head of his cock into my now open mouth.
My mind envisioned a plum as the smooth glands entered my mouth. I had never had a penis in my mouth, although many boys had tried to verbally coerce me into trying it with them. I had always won those battles and remained quite innocent. This was one oral battle I was definitely not going to win. Again words echoed through the moonlit darkness. “I will make you pay for all the times you have flirted with me. For the times you spoke to me and giggled with that absolutely gorgeous mouth. For the times you smiled at me with lips that speak to my cock and beg to suck it.” As he spoke, he inched his member into my mouth.
“I will make you pay for the times you have teased me with that young, tight, firm body of yours, prancing around in skimpy clothing, clothing that shows your perfect little ass, firm flat stomach and full swelling young tits.” His cock throbbed within my mouth as the spongy tip bumped up against the back of my mouth. I felt panic arise within me as I thought he would jam his flesh down my throat. “I will make you pay for all the times those sweet seductive eyes have looked at me and visually screamed “fuck me please.” I shook my head to deny his accusations but to no avail.
“Well you sweet little doll, your wishes will be answered tonight. I will fuck you like you could never even imagine. I will pound your tight little snatch until you scream mercy. When I finally complete using you in every way possible and leave you alone in the dark, your body will continue to feel me. A reminder engraved within your body of all the times you used your beauty to fuck with me.” Then silence filled the room as his unbelievably fat prong began its merciful invasion of my virgin mouth and throat. He groaned loudly, almost beast like, as my saliva coated his rippling shaft. Already my jaws were aching from having to open them so wide to accommodate his girth.
As he began to push harder, I grabbed his pumping cock with one hand to try to keep it out of my throat… My tiny fingers barely held the slippery flesh. He was so incredibly fat, I thought. He grunted as he began to pump more forcefully. Soon his fleshy tube was fucking my face with a fury. I felt my head being pounded back into the pillow with each powerful thrust. He was now bellowing obscenities, “oh yesss you’re a great little cock sucker, take all of me…suck my cock Princess, oh yeaaaaa…I knew you’re lips were made for suckin’ cock…swallow my flesh, doll…suck the cum outta my balls…”
He was in a sexual rage, out of control now. He was pounding his cock in and out of my mouth so fast now, I was doing everything I could to prevent it from penetrating my throat. Never having orally taken a penis, I knew I would have gagged and probably worse. Suddenly without any warning at all, he screamed out “OH MY GOD, here it comes…you’re gonna make me explode…” No way I thought, I can’t possibly have him cum in my mouth. I panicked and tried to pull my head off his cock. He realized this and held my head on each side with both strong hands. I screamed a cock-muffled scream around his dick, terrified, as he continued to slide his penis in and out. He then, through heavy breathing, panted, “when I cum I want you to swallow it all…you let any dribble outta that sexy mouth, I promise you you’ll pay…be a good little girl and drink it all.”
During the sinful act, I tried like a “good little girl” to swallow it all as I was told, but there was just too much. He came so tremendously, it felt like a dam broke. The white-hot liquid shot out with such force it caught me by surprise. I never imagined a male orgasm could be that powerful. My tiny hand gripped the thick shaft and squeezed it trying to cut off the flow temporarily, as it pulsed and shot its massive load of baby making seed into my throat, my tongue, and onto my lips. After he finished, withdrawing his now spent dick, he rubbed the head across my cheeks.
I felt the wet trail of jism he left streaking across my skin. My punishment for not containing his entire orgasm, quickly followed. My tiny arms were pulled upward and outwards, as were my legs. Cool satin ties attached to my ankles and wrists, restrained me in a vulnerable spread-eagle position. I now knew I was helpless to resist. My mystery lover laughed at me as he knew, I was all his to do what he pleased. My looks, innocent but promiscuous behavior and flirtatious personality had now possessed him with sexual hunger and I was his prey. My body trembled with both excitement and anxiety. I could, even now, feel the ties still wrapped around my wrists and ankles, even though they have long been untied. Through the entire episode I tugged on the binds to no avail. It just excited him more.
He walked around the bed after tying me down. Every now and then, through the moonbeams, I saw his massive cock dangling downward now between his legs. Huge hairy testicles, which were bouncing against my chin just moments earlier and had pumped their contents into my stomach, now drooped down below the fat shaft, recuperating for yet another assault. Rippling veins encompassed the girth and glistened wetly from the mixture of my saliva and his cum. He stopped briefly, his black silhouette captured with the window behind him, reached out and hastily ran his fingers up my clean- slit. Ever so briefly he inserted a finger between my lips and then firmly stated, “bald and extremely tight just how I wanted you to be.”
He then raised his hand to his face, licked his finger clean, and said, “mmmm and so sweet, so fresh…delicious.” He then walked towards the window. The creaking of the floor gave an eerie addition to the whole horrific scene. I watched him lean against the windows frame facing me. His entire body, enveloped by the moonlight, rippled with spectacular muscles. He grabbed his flesh and quickly pumped it a few times. Then laughing a deep guttural laugh, he softly this time, spoke. “I’m gonna fuck you in a few minutes.”
He then stopped. I watched as he slowly began to masturbate. His hand slid up and down the length of his limp cock. Gradually however, I watched it come back to life under the touch of his hand. He continued stroking his slab of beef, slowly, all the way to the tip and back down to his sac; long full strokes. In the moonlight I could finally see what I had just sucked to orgasm. His cock was glorious, a trophy of man meat. It was long, maybe nine inches, and as fat as my wrist. I could see the veins again, rippling, streaking around its entire width and length. I was mesmerized by its looks. As he continued to fist his dick in the moonlight, I felt the wetness between my legs.
Whether I wanted to get excited or not, my body was betraying me. The longer I looked at my mystery lover, his cock, and his act of masturbation, the more excited I became. Soon my heavy breathing was apparent as my breasts heaved up and down with now, long and deep breaths. He again spoke softly. “I know doll, that you want this” He held out his cock. “I’ve seen the way you’ve looked at me, even caught you checkin’ out my crotch on occasion.”
I quickly denied these new allegations. He countered, “Yes you have and you need to be honest. Ya know ya want my dick, ya always have wanted it. You’ve wanted to suck on it, you’ve wanted it to fill your cunt, and probably your ass too. You shake that lil’ ass at me all the time.” The whole time he spoke, he pumped his cock, slowly. After a few minutes of silence, he again said, “I’m gonna fuck you now. Fuck you like you want me too; hard, fast and furiously. I’m gonna thrust my cock where you ain’t ever been touched, so deep inside.
Your screams of pain and pleasure will let me know that the words I speak are true.” He then moved towards me, out of the light. The floor again creaked to announce his arrival to the bedside. I squirmed against the ties that bound me. He walked to the end of the bed then climbed up on the mattress. Between my spread legs he sat momentarily. Then he bent slightly, lowering his head, and like all his sudden moves before, with no notice his tongue lashed out at my gash. I immediately moaned loudly, as he practiced no teasing, but thrust his entire hot wet tongue inside me.
He penetrated my tightness and wiggled his tongue around inside, licking the walls of my tight cunt. I was now gushing with liquid excitement. His hands gripped my lips and gently spread them apart as his face pushed harder, inserting his tongue even deeper. He nibbled on my hard, excited clit and licked my pussy like I had never even sinfully dreamed. I was thrown into a realm of heavenly bliss under the talented tongue-lashing my pussy was receiving. In my young, inexperienced sexual life, I had never imagined anything to feel this incredible. He spoke only briefly saying how he loved a hairless pussy to devour. Then stated again at how tight I was. “My tongue barely fits, hmmm just think what my cock will do to you. It’s gonna tear you in two.”
His words scared me, but the reality of knowing I was going to find out what his cock would feel like, scared me even more. Thank God, I thought, that he used his tongue on me so well. It had really gotten my juices flowing, and being so wet would surely help. “God damn you taste good, I could eat ya all night…sweetest pussy I have ever had…but I gotta feel it squeezing my dick.” He sat up and as fast as the incredible gash lashing started it was done. He quickly moved upward and positioned himself in preparation for the final assault. He was merciless, screaming out “brace your self doll”, and that was it. My breath exited my body completely as his huge damn cock knocked the wind out of me as he thrust it balls deep into my virgin-tight tunnel of love.
I caught my breath just in time to scream out loudly “nooooooooo” from the pain I was feeling. “Arrrrggghhhhh.” Searing pain, from the inside out, encased my entire being. Pain that started at the source, my skewered pussy, and then traveled up every last nerve of my body. I pleaded with my mystery lover to stop “pleeeease stop I beg of you…take it out…its tooooooo biiiigggg…pleeease…” He said he loved to hear that, the screams, the pleads, the begging. Holding my hips firmly, he thrust his massive monster in and out vigorously a few more times, to draw out more gut wrenching screams. I could see my tummy flare out with each thrust he made. I could feel his cock head slide so deep inside me, as he promised, deeper than I had ever been touched.
He then began a rhythmic movement and continued it relentlessly for what seemed like forever. His cock pounded and pounded and pounded, torturing my poor tight young pussy. I felt bruised inside as the head punched through the tight cavern and knocked on my wombs’ door. The rough rippled shaft stretched my lips to the point of tearing and fucked in and out non-stop with long nine-inch strokes. My pussy soon began to burn with pain from literally being rubbed raw. Despite the pain, there was also a pleasure mounting through it. How, I don’t know. But it grew as fast as the cock was fucking me. I listened as the bed squeaked, the headboard rattled, and the squishing wet sounds of sex roamed freely through the dark. I listened to his flesh slap against my skin, his balls slam against my ass, and his grunts echo with every thrust.
Sweat dripped off his overworked body and face, and soon had me soaked. Still he didn’t let up his pace. He grasped my tits with both hands, squeezing them painfully, he continued screwing me. I was shocked he could go and go the way he was. I felt the pressure building in me and knew my orgasm, even through such a brutal, almost rape-like assault, was imminent. He began thrusting more powerfully now. Pushing me up the bed, the ties on my ankles began to hurt as they were pulled tighter. He screamed out as his cock swelled before its release, I screamed as I felt his cock swell. Suddenly, with the power of two planets colliding, we came.
Over and over again I felt his cock jump as it blasted its hot sperm in me, coating my insides thoroughly and deeply. Like a tidal wave, my own orgasm let loose. My body stiffened, and a warm river of fluid rushed outward. Reaching the huge flesh plug he had inserted, I felt the juices mix with his still throbbing exploding cock. He groaned as I squealed loudly. My body convulsed tremendously through a number of tremors, as small continuous orgasms raced through me. I had heard of multiple orgasms, but had certainly never experienced them, until now.
My mind blanked out after that to the point I thought I would black out. From straining so hard, my muscles felt cramped and my head pounded. Finally, after about ten orgasmic minutes, they subsided. Settling down I still felt the cock embedded in my now totally worn out puss. It still filled me completely, even though I knew it was no longer erect. He then leaned forward and grasping both breasts firmly, pinching the nipples, he kissed my belly. It was the first true affection he had shown me through the entire episode.
After that kiss, he quickly withdrew his wet penis. The squishy suction sound as he left my dripping quim was incredible. I immediately felt relief and emptiness. I also felt the flood of cum mixed with my orgasmic juices pour out of my opening. It ran down the crack of my ass, puddling on the sheets. It felt like gallons. I lay silent, breathing hard, as he got up off the bed. I heard the rustling of clothes as he apparently was getting dressed. After a few minutes, he walked towards me, bent slightly and kissed me on the lips, just once. Then, again I heard the floor creak, followed by the slow drawn out squeaks of the opening and then closing of the door. The whole night ended with the click of the latch.
I awoke to the sounds of birds singing their good morning songs. The curtains still flowed freely as the now morning breeze entered my room. Sunbeams, brightly entered with it. The events of the night had all but faded. The scents remained no longer. The only reminder of the wild acts captivated within the dark, were now in my mind. But my body, inside and out, definitely held onto the memory completely. I slowly rolled my head to one side, glancing at the time on the clock. There, on the bedside table, sat a beautiful long stemmed red rose. I lifted my weary head up off the pillow and reached for it. Taking the flower of beauty in my hand, I placed it to my nose, breathing in the incredible scent of love. I opened the card that was attached, and read:
“Sweetheart, I do hope you thoroughly enjoyed your night, a night your fantasy came to life. I hope my role as your mystery lover was played with the perfection, that only your mind perceived it. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined, forcefully taking such an incredible lover, would be this fantastic. As I long for yet another heated night of passion, I will think of only you and this night. Love always and forever, Dave.”
I smiled, then lay back and closed my eyes. I drifted off to sleep with the hopes that my dreams would take me back again through that incredible journey of last nights events.
Hugs and kisses, Lil-Brandi
All comments, suggestions, advice, etc. is highly encouraged.
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The married woman next door took my virginity.
I loved you from the start
Now i have a broken heart
It wasn’t right, it wasn’t true
Life wasn’t ready Ifor me and you
You was my angel with wings so white
Came from heaven on a light so bright
Made me smile with a simple hello
With you my sadness could not show
My heart became as black as coal
I was on your list, you was on a role
You toyed with my emotions, hurt me so
Now the tears just have to flow
You were so pure, like the first flake of snow
As sweet as candy when the sugars low
Soft as a feather, a touch so delicate
For an angel like you i would forever wait
My wings so black, dark as night
I can move around in the shadowy light
Unseen by all, a ghost to you
My shimmering form will have to do
A girl so pure, so bright and white
With those wings you may take flight
Came to earth on a light so true
Hard to believe your time is through
Me so dark, so wrong, so destructive
My heart the weapon i kill you with
Take your soul to the realm of shadows
With every kill my pain forever grows
A collision we await when light meets dark
In my heart you will forever leave your mark
A scar of battle, the one i despise
When light meets dark it will be my demise
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Sis comes home
Cancun Trip Stretches Sexual Boundaries.
Cassy gets to watch Daddy make himself happy. Mommy helps her enjoy it.
Dedicated to fellow writer Clarise.
Dear reader; this non-erotic short story is my first attempt at writing humor. If you want a little chuckle read on and then leave a comment to let me know what you think of my effort. If you are looking for something a little more sexually salacious, you might want to look at another offering and then come back when you are in the mood for humor.
In support and in solidarity, I dedicate this story to my friend and fellow writer, Clarise, who recently had one of her stories deleted. My Colonoscopy:
by Hardrive
After several weeks of complaining about stomach discomfort and constipation, my wife Rita got tired of my belly aching and called her fudge-packing brother for advice. That made a lot of sense. After all, who better to ask about asshole problems than your queer brother? Woops, did I say queer? I meant to say Homo-American. Anyway, Rita said her brother recommended I go see a gastroenterologist for a full evaluation.
“What?” I asked, “An ass-hole-enter what? That doesn’t even sound like a real doctor. It’s probably some kind of voodoo fag doctor.”
“No, you homophobic ignore-anus” came Rita’s cynical reply. “A gas-tro-enter-ologist, is a doctor that specializes in disorders of the digestive system. My brother is a well regarded general practitioner and if he says you should have a full evaluation of your intestinal track, that’s exactly what you’re going to do. It’s high time someone looks up your stupid ass to see what kind of problems you’ve got brewing up there.”
“Oh, really,” I said, mocking her sarcastic tone, “Since you insist I need to have my colon examined by a doctor, I guess you’re finally ready to admit you’ve been wrong about me all these years.” Rita’s perplexed expression indicated that she had no idea what I was talking about, so I explained. “You’re always saying that I have my head stuck up my ass.” Rita nodded in agreement. “Well,” I said with a smug smile, “if my head was really up my ass why would we need to hire a doctor to see what’s wrong… I could see it for myself.”
I thought that was hilarious, so I slapped my wife’s butt and did a little victory jig while laughing my head off. Rita wasn’t amused.
“Oh, you can’t take it when I get the upper hand.” I started to mock her. “You think you and that fairy brother of yours are so much smarter than me. Just ‘cause I don’t have a fancy college education don’t mean that I can’t tell when you’re trying to pull my leg. There is no such thing as an ass-hole-enter-whatever, So, go ahead and make an appointment with your made-up doctor. I dare you.” Rita just gave me an icy stare, smiled and walked away.
A week later we were sitting at the doctor’s office listening to him explain why I needed to have a colonoscopy. I told the doc I’ve never heard of a cola-ass-copy and had no idea what he was talking about. The doctor picked up a book with full color illustrations and used it to thoroughly explain the procedure. Pointing to the interior of the large intestine he indicated the areas that he wanted to examine and photograph.
Nodding thoughtfully, I pretended to understand what he was talking about and asked a question or two that was intended to display my advanced knowledge of medical terms. “Will you be using an x-ray camera or an MIR to photograph my inners?
The doctor smiled. “No, we use a flexible hose to guild a miniature camera through your anus and into the full length of your large intestine.” Then he showed me a picture of a little camera attached to a very long black hose.
Hell no! I said to myself. I won’t even let my family doctor check my prostate, so there was no way this joker was going to shove a big old hose up my ass. Looking around the office I spotted the door, popped up out of my seat and began to vigorously shake the doctor’s hand while I thank him profusely for wonderful presentation. The doctor seemed confused and tired to interrupt me several times but I just continued to pump his hand while backing up towards the door. My plan was working just fine and I actually got to openthe door open and had one foot over the threshold before my wife decided to intervene.
Now at this point I’d like to pause to give my male readers some advice. Never marry a stout, red headed woman of Italian-Irish descent. That combination gives them a split personality that makes Bruce Banner’s transformation into the Hulk look like a mild eccentricity. In public she tries to maintain the illusion that she is the devoted wife and I’m the boss in our relationship… but in reality she calls all the shots and only lets me do what she wants me to do.
In public she always agrees with me but she uses a code to let me know what she really wants. Whenever she smiles and says ‘Yes dear’ while putting the accent on the ‘yes’ but elongating the ‘dear,’ that means that if I even think about doing what I want, she’ll make my life a living hell. And let me tell you, when my wife says ‘living hell’ she’s not talking about Dante’s little cake walk through the seven levels of the fiery pit. She’s talking about providing me with my own personal apocalypse. Believe me, when it comes to pursuing a vengeful agenda, my wife puts Captain Ahab to shame.
In this case she was determined that I was going to have that colonoscopy, so she moved quickly to intercept me at the door. Putting her arm around me in a very loving way, she smiled at the doctor while she worked her hand under my coat and up to my neck. Putting me in her version of the Vulcan death grip, Rita paralyzed my body. When the doctor noticed that my expression suddenly went blank, he asked if there was something wrong. All I could do was move my head left to right as Rita manipulated the back of my neck. When he asked if he could schedule my procedure, I wanted to say hell no but I found myself nodding ‘yes.’ Then, when the doctor smiled and said goodbye, Rita squeezed the nerves in my neck so hard that my pained grimmest looked like I was smiling back.
By the time we left the doctor’s office, I was feeling dizzy. Leaning against Rita, we walked over to the discharge nurse who gave us the doctor’s instructions and a prescription for a product called ‘Koli-Kleen.’ The nurse said I was to drink two doses of Koli-kleen the night prior to the colonoscopy. What she didn’t tell us was that using that product was going to be, without doubt, the most gruesome part of the whole procedure.
I didn’t know it then but a week after my colonoscopy I did a google search and found that Koli-Kleen is sold in the United States as a prescription laxative, but it was originally developed during world war two by the Gestapo. The Germans called it Magen-buster and used it to get prisoners to voluntarily run into gas chambers they mislabeled “Latrines.” After the war, the Russians developed the formula into a WMD or Weapon of Mass Defecation. When the cold war ended, the KBG sold the formula to the CIA who used it in Guantanamo as an interrogation aid. It was reported that the CIA had a lot of success getting even the most resistant terrorist to literally spill their guts, but when the UN found it was being used on the prisoners, they banned its use as inhumane and a serious breach of the Geneva Convention.
Considering the nefarious history of this product, it was beyond my comprehension how any Pharmaceutical Company could get it approved by the FDA for sale to the American public. But then I saw the outrages price on the insurance company’s invoice and my question was answered.
I was totally ignorant of all that before the colonoscopy so I spent the week prior to the procedure nervously worrying about the ‘big fat hose’ and never gave a second thought to the hellish experience that awaited me on the night before.
When the time came for me to get ready, I read the instructions. Step one said that 12 hours prior to the colonoscopy I shouldn’t take any solid foods by mouth. That kind of confused me since taking solid foods by mouth was the only way I knew how to do that. Anyway, by supper time I was pretty hungry so the wife suggested I try some chicken broth. I love chicken soup but chicken broth was a big disappointment. It is nothing more than hot salty water with a little food coloring. The only chicken you’ll find in chicken broth is the word “chicken” printed on the box.
But I digress… the second step was to try and drink the first dose of Koli-Kleen. I say try because the stuff tastes like industrial grade toilet cleaner. The pharmacist recommended the lemon flavored product but I can tell you right now that the lemon flavoring in that noxious concoction does absolutely nothing to mask its totally disgusting taste. In fact, to this day I still can’t look at a lemon without getting the dry heaves.
The instructions warned that After drinking the first dose I might experience some gastric discomfort followed by a loose bowel movement. That was a gross understatement. What the instructions should have said was that after taking Koli-Kleen, my guts would heave, toss and turn like a small boat caught in a typhoon and that shortly thereafter, everything in my stomach would simultaneously attempt to abandon ship through the stern of my little brown boat.
Holy Crap, that stuff works fast. It may not be written on the box but I believe that one of Koli-Kleen’s chief ingredients is rocket fuel. I say that because when that stuff kicks in, your colon ignites and the full content of your alimentary canal is explosively jettisoned out of your ass with such force that, unless you hold on to the toilet seat, it’s possible that your body could be propelled into low earth orbit.
Needless to say, I spent the whole night sitting on the toilet and nervously waiting for the many intestinal eruptions that followed. Whenever I felt my gut begin to rumble I shut my eyes, held on to the toilet seat and did a short count-down as my rocket powered ass violently sprayed whatever was in my guts into the crapper.
This went on for hours until my intestines were totally empty and I had nothing more to give. By then it was time to drink the second round of Koli-Kleen, and to my absolute amazement, the process started all over again. I couldn’t believe it possible that there was anything left in me to expel, but apparently I was wrong.
My only explanation for this extraordinary phenomenon is that the second dose of Koli-Kleen must have the ability to tap into the spiritual realm, locate my long dead ancestors and channel the festering content of their ancient intestines through my flaming ass-hole and into the commode.
And that leads us to a subject that isn’t covered by the Koli-Kleen instructions. I’m talking about the smell. Oh my god the smell is incredible.
Let’s face it, you can’t flush out the rotting content of someone’s intestine without creating some serious atmospheric pollution. You’re probably going to think I’m exaggerating but things got so bad at my house, that I actually saw lines of staggering insects abandoning the residence. I also witness our house plants literally wither and die right before my eyes. Even the plastic plants keeled over. Rita could attested to all this but she barricaded herself in the guestroom, stuffed towels into the crack under the door, and refused to come out until it was time to go to the clinic.
Needless to say, by the end of the evening I was exhausted. All that running back and forth to the bathroom left my legs feeling like the rubbery limbs of a punch drunk boxer, and my asshole like the business end of a blow torch. That night, after pushing several ice cubes up my raw pucker, I finally passed out and slept like a very tired and dehydrated baby.
The next morning my wife got me up at what is known in military time as “oh five hundred hours.” The “oh” stands for; “Oh my God, I can’t believe it’s still dark.” Anyway, when we arrived at the clinic we thought, since they wanted us there at the crack of dawn, that they intended to begin the procedure right away. We were wrong. Instead they had us filling out forms for hours. The frustrating part is that they had me answering questions I’ve already answered hundreds of times before. What the hell do they do with all that information? Obviously they don’t keep it or they wouldn’t need to ask the same dam questions over and over again.
When I was finished with the questioner the nurse brought in the consent form and asked me to sign. After looking it over I told her that I couldn’t possible sign it. She asked me why and I told her that just over the signature line there was a statement that said that I understood and agreed to all the terms, conditions and provisions stated therein. The document was twelve pages long and written in a Pig-Latin dialect of legalize that was so convoluted and incomprehensible that even my lawyer’s lawyer couldn’t have understood it.
The nurse looked at me and smiled. Then she told me I could take all the time I needed to read the consent forms and I didn’t have to sign them until I fully understood what I was signing. However, she quickly added that if I didn’t have the form signed within the next five minutes she would have to reschedule my procedure.
That’s all she had to say. It took me about five seconds to sign the release and hand it to her. There was no way I was going to reschedule the colonoscopy knowing full well that I would have to go through the same gut-draining pre-procedure I went through the night before. I think the clinic counts on that reaction and that’s why they ask you to sign the consent form after you’ve had the Koli-Kleen experience.
A half hour after I finished the paper work, a very fruity looking male nurse named Hector, came for me. He gave my wife a wink, put his hand on my shoulder and walked around me without taking his hand off my body. Then he asked her a question in a very swishy Spanish accent. “Is this jew hombre?” My wife nodded while trying to contain a very smug smile. Hector returned her smile and said, “Ay que Lindo.” And they both began to giggle as Hector put his hand through my arm and walked me down the clinic’s main corridor. “Don jew warry lindo,” he said as he snuggled up to me. “I will take berry good car of jew.”
Looking over my shoulder I made eye contact with my wife and with a sorrowful and plaintiff gaze I pleaded for her help, but Rita just smiled. It seemed to me that she was enjoying my predicament because all she did was hold up a box of Kolie-Kleen and gave me a looked that seemed to said… ‘are you sure you want to reschedule the procedure?
It was a long and uncomfortable walk to the prep-room, and when we got there Hector released my arm and handed me a plastic bag. He instructed me to go into a little room that had a curtain instead of a door. He asked me to take off all my clothes and put them in the bag. Then he handed me one of those hospital gowns. You know… the kind that is designed to strip you of all your dignity and make you feel more exposed and venerable then you’ve ever felt before.
After putting on the gown I noticed that my ass was hanging out of the back. Try as I might, I couldn’t stretch the cloth to cover my exposed behind. That’s when I saw Hector peeking through the curtains. The pervert was staring at my ass but when he saw me looking at him he smiled and asked if I was ready. Then he pushed a wheel chair into the room and with a big grin he patted the bench and told me to put my cute little tushie into the seat.
There was no way I was going to turn my bare bottom towards that flaming fruitcake so I just stood there looking at him. That’s when Hector decided to come around from behind the chair to help me get into the seat. It was more likely that he wanted to help himself into my seat, so as he approached, I clutched the back of my hospital gown and slowly backed away. Hector kept advancing and I kept retreating so we went around and around that wheelchair until I finally saw an opportunity to safely sit down.
The fruity nurse laughed, his very girly laugh, and called me a crazy gringo as he pushed my wheelchair into another room. There he tied a rubber tourniquet around my arm and tried to put an I.V. needle into the back of my hand. It only took him five tries, and while I would have normally fainted after the second attempt, there was no way I was going to allow myself to pass out while I was alone in the room with him. This was especially true after he started talking about the procedure. With a faraway and dreamy look in his eyes, he described the length and girth of the hose the doctor would be using… and then he said, “El doc-tor wheel e’put it in jew ass nice and e’slow. He wheel go in deeper and deeper. Ay bandito, It’z so beautiful I juice want to e’cry every time I thing about it.”
If I had any doubt about Hector’s sexual orientation, after listening to him describe the procedure, all my doubts were gone. Hector was what I called a real Granola Bar; flaky, fruity and nuts.
“listen up, Hector.” I said with my most manly voice. “There is no way that I am going to have sex with you.”
“What?” Hector said with a genuine look of surprise. Giving me a very stern look and with a very indignant voice he continued. “Is dat what jew ting? Will jew are so rung. Having sex wit jew is da last ting on my mine. DA LAST TING! No senor. First jew will half to ax me to dinner, and den to a show and den after dat….”
“Read my lips Hector… No Way!!!”
Hector looked disappointed so he changed the subject and asked me if I had taken the Koli-Kleen as proscribed. My revolted expression and the cold shiver that ran up and down my spine leaving my puckered face quivering with a look of pure disgust, told him all he needed to know.
“O’ I si, no juan e’toll jew?” The blank expression on my face let him know I had no idea what the hell he was talking about, so he went on. “Jew can e’take un poco de Tequila before jew drink that sheet. Dat e’helps it e’go down mucho more ezy.”
As soon as I figured out what he was trying to say, a light bulb went on over my head. What a great idea. I had a fully stocked bar at home and would have gladly downed a bottle of good Iris whisky if I had known it was okay to drink before taking that Koli-Krap. But then I started to imagine myself drunk and stumbling around the house, squirting and dripping all over the rug and the furniture. There was no way Rita would have cleaned up after me, and knowing her, she probably would have had no alternative but to shot me, torch the house for the insurance money and move down to Florida.
As Hector wheeled me into the procedure room I looked around nervously and saw the doctor and anesthesiologist standing there, but no sign of the dreaded “Big fat hose.” No doubt they planed on bringing it in after I was asleep. That sounded like such a waste of Anastasia. Not because I was so brave that I didn’t need it, but because all they would have had to do was to show me that “big fat hose” and I would have passed out on my own.
Before putting me under, the doctor had me roll over on my side, pull up my knees and count backward from a hundred. As I started to count I heard someone, standing behind me and singing with a swishy Spanish accent. To my great horror I realized it was Hector. He was standing behind me while he sang ”I fee pretty” from ‘West Side Story.’ Oh my god, that raving queen was going to be in the room while I was laying there unconscious and my naked butt exposed.
With my last once of strength I looked up at the doctor and with pleading eyes begged him. “Please shot me now before I pass out from the anesthesia,” but no such luck. The room went dark and the next thing I knew I was waking up in the recovery room, still feeling high from the drugs they gave me.
The first thing I saw was my doctor’s smiling face. He looked down at me and asked how I felt. I told him I felt great except for a little discomfort around that place where the sun never shines. That reminded me of my last thoughts before going under so I reached up, grasped my doctor by the collar and pulling his face down close to mine. In an almost threatening tone I asked him, “Did you leave me alone with Hector at any time during the procedure?” The doctor looked puzzled but he assured me that he hadn’t. When I let him go the doctor said he had good news. My colon was fine and there was no evidence of any malignancy.
“Thanks doc,” I said. Then I asked him to do me a favor. “Please tell my wife…”
“I’ve already given her the good news.” The doctor interrupted.
“No, not that.” I said, as I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him down close to my face again. “I want you to let her know that you’ve performed a very thorough inspection of my entire intestinal track and looked into every nook and cranny of my colon… Got that?” The doctor nodded that he did. “Okay, then I want you to tell her that you’ve found absolutely no evidence that I’ve ever had my head up my ass.”
THE END
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this is all true, and if you dont like it shut up. Nothing has been changed, real names, ages, descriptions all real.
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